What It's Like to "Put Down" Your Faith

"Good morning, My child. I'm thankful to have another day with you on your journey. I love you so. How are you going to live today?"

I have two choices: am I going to live under the power of the Holy Spirit, or am I going to live by my sin nature? Being a Christian, I have that choice. If I wasn't, it would be my sin nature all the way.

Anyway.

I go to my dresser, on which my choices are sitting, and I study them. I look at the Holy Spirit first because its radiance attracts my eye first. Not only is it radiant, but it's beautiful. I feel the warmth from the light it constantly displays. I remember the peace, the contentment, the love, the sense of belonging that I feel every time I pick it up. I can't help but smile. Then, I gaze over to my sin nature. It's much darker than the Holy Spirit, but there are some flashing lights that appeal to me sometimes, or at least has me curious. I think of the dangerous fun that it brings, the stuff I've done in secret, the satisfaction that is only temporary which results in anger, pain, guilt, and shame. No! I don't want that. So, I pick up the Holy Spirit and go about my day.

Everything goes smoothly. I feel good. I do Bible study. I have instrumental hymns playing in the background. I couldn't ask for anything better.

Next thing I know, I get a text message. It's from a friend that I've invested in for years, spiritually guiding and encouraging her.

And what does she say?

I need to do some serious reflection on my life and the decisions that I'm making. In her mind, I'm not living right.

I'm hurt. I'm offended. I'm ANGRY. How could she... How DARE she.

After all I've done for her...

I look at the Holy Spirit, and it tells me to not respond. I know her. She's spiritually young and very unhappy. How could I expect anything different from her?

But how could I NOT say anything? Shouldn't the Spirit be offended too? Wouldn't it want me to defend my walk?

I hear my sin nature call my name.

It's as angry as I am. THANK YOU. Someone understands.

I go upstairs and walk up to where I left it that morning. It immediately spews about the nerve of that girl to say what she did. She has no idea what she's talking about. "Let her have it!" it says. "Defend your reputation. Let her know how you REALLY feel. Don't hold back now. End this thing with her once and for all."

I think the Holy Spirit has been trying to talk to me too, but its voice is drowned out because my sin nature has my FULL attention. I look back at the Holy Spirit. I think to myself, "Forget that!" I put down the Holy Spirit and pick up my sin nature. It continues to speak encouraging taunts as we walk back downstairs, back to where I left my phone. I pick it up. My hands are shaking, but I go on the attack. All caps words, insults, low blows, exclamation points, and sarcastic emojis fill the screen. There's a strange peace, maybe a relief, after I pressed "Send." I feel SO much better. Was it God? Was it finally having the chapter over and done with? I don't know, but I go with it, even though the hurt and anger lingered.

But, oh, my sin nature wasn't done yet. I need to build my army! And that I did. I enlist my soldiers one by one. I knew that I was right, of course. Sure, I was mean, but who cares? She hurt me? Well, I'm going to one-up her and hurt her even more.

So, I go about my life, with my sin nature in hand. Everything was fine and dandy...until the anger subsided and the hurt began to fade. All the sudden, my sin nature loses its appeal. The flashing lights don't have me curious. I'm not happy. Things don't feel quite right. The reality of what I had done settles in on my heart.

Man... Why did I say what I did? Why didn't I keep my thumbs still and move on without formulating a response? Yes, she was wrong in her accusation, and what she said wasn't kind, but now *I* am in the wrong right along with her.

Guilt pays a visit and makes itself at home.

But then I hear a still, small voice that I haven't heard for the last few days.

The Holy Spirit.

It DOES understand. It reminds me that Jesus had been accused and was insulted many a time during His three years of ministry, but, unlike me, He held His tongue. He took the blows with grace and died for those people anyway.

Why couldn't *I* have died to myself, for her? I care for her very much after all.

But what's done is done. There is no going back. I have no plans of reaching out, but I know I have to rectify things with my God, to express how wrong I was for doing what I did.

And that's what I did.

The relationship is dead. I'm sure I'll always be sorry about the way it ended, but I'm not going to keep holding my sin nature, nor am I going to invite guilt to stay. Instead, I put my sin nature down and pick the Holy Spirit back up, continuing on the journey where we left off.

With its beauty in my heart and its light in my life.